“Point of No Return” ( 4 x 11 )

Another “trapped” episode? I guess I’ll just see!

We start off in the Hangout, and everyone’s been taken away from their important projects and things they needed to do, so they’re a little peeved.

Carter: “Does anyone know what this meeting’s all about?

Jackson: “No, but I hope it’s important. I was right in the middle of translating that cuneiform tablet we found on P30-255.”

Carter: “I still have to finish recalibrating MALP 3KA's sensors for long term reconnaissance on P5X-327.”

Teal’c: “I was unable to complete my kel’no’reem.”

O’Neill: “I was just about to do something important.”

…Yes, of course you were, Jack.

Hammond comes in and plays for them a tape from one of those X-Files-ish “Lone Gunmen” kind of people who called in. He’s got all sorts of crackpot theories he claims to know about… And the Stargate.

And he wants to meet O’Neill in Billings.

They meet in a diner, and

OH MY GOD

MOZZIE IS IN THIS EPISODE

(also that Stanford guy from Sex and the City)

Okay. If any of you have ever seen USA Network’s White Collar, and I hope you all have because it is an absolutely fantastic show and Willie Garson is a fabulous actor and I’m just so happy right now!

He introduces himself as Martin, and is kind of the stereotypical, paranoid nerd kind of guy, but he’s very funny and I love him already.

And who’s working back in the kitchen wearing the niftiest chef hat ever? Why, our good friend Teal’c of course. And he’s got a hidden camera on them which is streaming back to wherever Carter and Jackson are doing surveillance from.

This is so X-Files. It’s just hysterical.

Jackson: “Shouldn’t we have donuts or something?”

Martin talks to O’Neill about his little Stargate theory, and Jack plays his usual oblivious “no clue what you’re talking about” person.

“Sounds like a good idea for a TV show, if you’re into that sort of thing.”

He even baits Martin, saying that the “Project Stargate” has to do with… magnets. Martin gets annoyed and insists that he’s from outer space, and so he’s got to go through the Stargate.

…Well. Okay, Martin Lloyd, good luck with that.

He’s even got the whole “Goa’uld took humans from Earth into slavery” thing down. Of course, not in so many words, but the basic idea. Jack’s about to get out of here ’cause he’s sick of this crazy man when he gets the check, and there’s a note scrawled on there telling him to stall.

O’Neill reluctantly follows him outdoors to see Martin’s “ship”… but of course he can’t find it.

Meanwhile, Carter, Teal’c, and Jackson check out his house. (Yeah, this is so X-Files.) It’s, of course, filled with all sorts of sci-fi junk, and there’s a funny part where Carter looks at a grey alien figure and remarks, “This looks familiar.” (Haha, Asgard.) Jackson and Carter check out a vast variety of medications while Teal’c investigates the living room.

Well, I don’t think he’ll find any glow-in-the-dark Goa’uld in the collection.

The scene cuts to three guys watching surveillance in Martin’s home. They use a sort of heat scan through the camera on Teal’c’s abdomen and… Well. Not human.

This could be a problem.

And it seems like Martin legitimately has people spying on him.

Carter and Jackson go talk to Dr. Tanner, who insists that he’s only given Martin the medication he needs. They’re still concerned, though, since many of the drugs were laced.

O’Neill is in a motel room, watching what I believe is The Day the Earth Stood Still. Teal’c is (very amusingly) enjoying a vibrating bed. He actually gets this really big, silly grin on his face as he lies down. Martin knocks at the door and, after tossing Teal’c a hat, he opens it and introduces Teal’c as “My friend… Murray.”

Murray.

That’s different.

He realizes that someone’s been in his house, and tells O’Neill this, and again insists that he’s got to go through the ‘Gate.

And Teal’c sticks another quarter in the vibrating bed.

O’Neill convinces Martin to take a seat and calm down. He explains that he has these flashes of memories, and one of those has included the seven symbols required for ‘Gate travel.

Oh snap.

Carter and Jackson go to the address given to them by Dr. Tanner, and it’s a sort of warehouse. There they are apprehended by the three guys who were watching the camera in that earlier scene.

Oh, SNAP.

Back at the motel, Jack tries to get a little more information out of Martin, but all he does is a lot of babbling about secret governments and tiny implants and you half-expect Mulder, Scully, and the Cigarette Smoking Man (and maybe Maybourne too… oh wait, he’s actually in this series) to show up. Along with that Enterprise Romulan agent guy who played a shapeshifting alien in X-Files.

Frustrated, O’Neill leaves to go find Carter and Jackson and leaves Martin with a rather annoyed-looking Teal’c… Er, “Murray”.

Meanwhile, the two SG-1 hostages are interrogated by “the guys with the guns” (as their captors call themselves). Carter tosses off a classic, “Classified,” when asked what they’re doing here… and what they know about Martin Lloyd.

One of the guys shows them an image of Teal’c, and they insist that he’s just a technical sergeant. A “speechwriter”. (Okay, well, um..) They even play stupid when they see the scan of Junior. Whew!

Teal’c reads one of those crackpot newspapers (a la National Enquirer), and this one is, ironically, filled with a lot of alien/conspiracy theories. He’s apparently trapped Martin in the bathroom. (Hee, hee.) O’Neill comes back and was unable to find Carter and Jackson, but he’s got some guys working on it. When he asks where Marty is, there’s a tap from the inside of the bathroom door and this:

“Uh, Murray? Listen, uh… I’m really sorry I tried to fight you and I realize I was totally out of line but, uh… I was wondering if maybe I could come out now? O-or I could just stay in here?”

Please excuse me while I DIE LAUGHING.

Martin collapses, but he wakes up and is fine.

And he thinks he knows where his ship is.

He leads them into a field, and they eventually uncover…

…Holy cow. It’s a spaceship.

It’s confirmed that it is indeed a spaceship, and Martin even suspects that there were others with him in it. Teal’c suggests that perhaps these “others” are responsible for holding Carter and Jackson.

Martin explains to them (and I assume he’s remembering now) that he and the “others” were sent out to find allies, since his homeworld was being attacked. And, yup, it was the usual culprits: The Goa’uld. Teal’c, at O’Neill’s signal, tells Martin how his people, too, were enslaved by the Goa’uld, and reveals to him the serpent brand on his forehead.

Whee, allies!

They activate a sort of tracking beacon on the ship, hoping to draw out whoever’s got Jackson and Carter. The three interrogators and Dr. Tanner set some kind of countdown on the ship and take Martin to the warehouse, Teal’c and Jack following in a van. They sneak in ahead and free Carter, Jackson, and Martin, who was left in the van.

He takes out a device and sees a countdown, and panics, and they all EPICALLY LEAP OFF THE BALCONY OF THE WAREHOUSE…

…And nothing happens.

Oh, but the ship blows up and caves in the ground.

They take Martin back to the SGC base, and dial out to the place he’s apparently from. At the ‘Gate, he remembers this: The ship never malfunctioned. They simply had deserted it because his people were losing the war against the Goa’uld. After a while, Martin had realized the wrong in their actions and wanted to return home, but the others drugged him to keep their secret.

Teal’c and O’Neill lead him through the Stargate, but there’s not much to see. The whole planet’s destroyed. And now there’s nothing else to do… but go home.

Final thoughts… All we needed were David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson and we would’ve had a Stargate – X-Files crossover. Oh, and William B. Davis. And  Mitch Pileggi, the Hammond of The X-Files. Heck, he’s even bald. It all works out.

Yep, that’s right, aside from the name “Mozzie”, all I could really think about this episode was… The X-Files. It just seemed so perfect. How many funny ‘Files episodes did they do where the person was like, “I MUST BE AN ALIEN!” and here we finally have someone whose concerns were legitimate. He really was an alien. (Wrap your mind around that, Scully.) Of course it was kind of a sad ending, discovering that there was nothing left of his homeworld, but overall just a very funny episode. Willie Garson is such a great actor and I would’ve never expected to see him in SG-1. But here he was!

I think the comedy drove this episode more than anything else. Even just the completely deadpan “no idea what you’re talking about!” scenes were great. I actually really enjoy these episodes where we just stay on Earth, where we have so many problems in itself. It’s a nice little change from going off-world. The need to keep it secret – just the kind of thing our good friend Special Agent Fox Mulder would be all over – only makes it more interesting.

That, and Teal’c’s many hats. Not to mention those ridiculous Hawaiian shirts he’s always wearing off-base. So funny. The way he catches the hat and puts it on before Marty comes in is quite funny in itself! And can we forget that vibrating bed? No, no we can’t. That was absolutely priceless, haha! This was one of those episodes where Teal’c didn’t need to say anything to steal the shot.

O’Neill actually has a lot of great dialogue in this one. I bet the writers have a lot of fun with his character. I know I sure would! He may not be as book/math-smart as Carter or Jackson but he’s always got a witty comeback to any statement.

I also love how creative SG-1 gets in disguising their alien friend’s identity. The part where Carter and Jackson are looking at the scan of Teal’c’s abdomen and essentially laugh it off as a joke (“Did you draw that? Very good!”) is quite clever! Also every time someone said “classified” I grinned.

This may not have been the most popular episode of the season but to me, it was great. It was poking fun at all those little “alien conspiracy” naysayers in a, “Hey, what if he’s telling the truth!” sort of way. That’s the fun of Stargate. Everything you thought you knew? It no longer applies.

Here’s hoping we get to see Mozzie… er, Martin Lloyd… again!

PREDICTION/REFLECTION THINGY:

(SG-1 takes Martin out for… I don’t know, pizza or something. Anyways, there they meet some… pretty interesting people.)

Lloyd: I can’t believe it. My whole planet…

Teal’c: It is indeed a tragedy.

O’Neill: Yeah, the Goa’uld aren’t exactly known for their hospitality.

Carter: You have a life here, though, don’t you?

Lloyd: Not much of one…

Jackson: I’m sure you’ll figure something out.

(A man approaches the table. Teal’c surreptitiously adjusts his hat.)

Man: Doctor Daniel Jackson?

Jackson: Uh… yes..?

Man: Oh, my god, Doctor, my name is Fox Mulder, and I am such a huge fan of yours, and I love your theories, and I have been looking for proof for so long and I would give up my FBI commission and my right hand just to-

O’Neill: ‘FBI’?

Mulder: Uh, yes, Special Agent.

Lloyd: Hey! I’ve heard about you! You’re friends with the Lone Gunmen! (Smiles broadly.)

(A perturbed-looking woman soon joins them.)

Woman: Yeah, and I’m his partner, Dana Scully. Mulder, we gotta get out of here or we’ll miss our flight. Now would you come on?

Mulder: But- Scully- Daniel Jackso-

Carter: That probably wouldn’t be good.

Mulder: (As he’s being pulled away) I believe your theories! The truth is out there! Those E.B.E.s can’t hide forever!

O’Neill: (Looking at Jackson) “E.B.E.”?

Jackson: Uh… yeah… “Extraterrestrial Biological Entity”.

O’Neill: Wonder how he’d react to Teal’c. Or, heck, Marty for that matter.

Teal’c: I would prefer not to speculate on the matter.