"Rules of Engagement" ( 3 x 09 )

Something tells me this will either be humourous and have something to do with what happens after a marriage proposal, or be not humourous (aside from O’Neill’s usual antics) and have more to do with fighting, people dying, the victims of war, the ethics of battle, and that crazy sort of stuff.  Something also tells me that the latter is far more likely to be the plot of this – loosely speaking, of course.

Guess I’ll just find out on my own!

We’re on a planet… that looks exactly like the one from “Demons”. No, I am not kidding you. The moon hanging in the background (or is it a planet?) is the exact same one. Dudes, that is crazy.

Or maybe the set designers are just lazy.

Um, anyways, SG-1 hears weapons fire, and they see what appear to be SG Team members in combat with those wonderful Serpent Guards we so know and love. (What? They’re still fighting even though Apophis is dead/imprisoned by Sokar?) Just then all the other SG people shoot down SG-1! With weird energy weapons?!

Whoa! Now this is just crazier than this planet looking just like the one from the last episode!

The scene changes, and SG-1… is okay? They’re in some kind of tent. A young man (actually he just looks like a kid) and says that they’re “casualties” and that they’re “dead”. Wait, what? What is this, Wargames? Because I don’t see Matthew Broderick. Oh wait…

Anyways, the kid takes them through what looks like a training camp full of kids. (MAYBOURNE, I SEE YOU SMIRKING IN THE BACKGROUND). Okay, what is up with the kids? WHY ALWAYS THE KIDS? You can pick on Goa’uld, Jaffa, Tok’ra, and SG-1; heck, you can even pick on Teal’c, but leave the kids alone! Geezus you people!

…Ahem. Moving on…

They approach a young man, a “Captain” by rank, who cites regulations… Regulations only Teal’c among them recognizes. He speaks in Goa’uld to the Captain, who then cites the Stargate as the Chappa’ai.

Oh. Crap. I hate where this is going.

The Captain’s “Earth Name” is Kyle Rogers (what? What is up with this kid?) and… then we find out that he has been ordered to lead these “troops” in training exercises until the return of Apophis. But obviously they never got the memo that’s he’s been DEFEATED because they’re still… here.

Dangit, Apophis, why do you have to lower yourself to the standards of Maybourne?!

Turns out that this is all training for infiltration – that’s why none of these kids actually have symbiotes. The Jaffa “attacking them” were just another part of the facility, led by a Captain Nelson.

SG-1 gets their weapons back, but a couple are missing. Teal’c gives them the lowdown on this whole idea, and also tells them that the guns used on them were merely stunning, called, intar. It’s kind of neat to see Teal’c taking the forefront here as “Master Teal’c” (master of AWESOME) now that he’s in his own territory. And I must say, his leadership comes across as pretty naturally.

They set up a device called a vocume, which projects a hologram of Apophis calling everyone to the center. O’Neill tries to dispel the whole thing by saying this:

“Apophis wanted me to tell you that you've all been doing a wonderful job. Couldn't ask for more. Well done. But, he also wanted me to tell you the whole…invasion of the Tau'ri idea has been canceled due to…rain.”

Rain? RAIN!?

Hey, Jack, maybe you should just let Teal’c do the talking. You just kind of sound like a fool now. Oh, don’t worry, I still love you, but you should think before you blab.

They don’t buy it (at least, Nelson isn’t) and even when Teal’c tries to tell them that Apophis is kind of DEAD they don’t believe it. In fact, they think it’s a test.

Turns out that, whoops, there’s a real weapon out there! and Rogers gets shot. He says that “the final challenge has begun”… which basically the means the weapons become real. As in, all of them. They tell Rogers they’re bringing him back to see Apophis to let the Goa’uld know the Final Challenge has begun…  And when he finds out he’s just in the SGC base, he’s not happy, but he gets dragged off to the infirmary anyways.

O’Neill visits him in there and tries to talk to him. We get this funny bit of dialogue:

Rogers: “Go to Sokar.”

O’Neill: “It’s, ‘Go to Hell’, actually. Which, by the way, is a very rude thing to say to a person offering you a sandwich.”

I don’t know, Jack, I’m not a huge fan of tuna, either.

He gets Rogers to eat the other half of the sandwich, but fails to convince him that Apophis is dead. However, after showing him a video of Apophis in the moments before his death – and then his subsequent demise – Rogers is convinced.

At the Hangout, a now-more-compliant Rogers talks with SG-1 and Hammond (of Texas!) about how the encampment came into being. Turns out that the Jaffa masters who had originally led them gradually left one by one to fight with Apophis, but of course they’re all gone now, so all that was left was the kids. He wants to save his men from their certain demise in the Final Challenge by telling them what he’s learned. And now they know how: Hook up that tape to the vocume and press “play”.

They go back through the ‘Gate to the encampment armed with intars, even though the trainees have actual weapons. They make it back to the tents and there’s another tiny, funny bit (O’Neill is just full of lulz tonight:)

O’Neill: “Get the vacuum.”

Rogers: “Vocume.”

O’Neill: “Whatever; get it.”

I should seriously make a collection of O’Neill’s glorious mispronunciations.

Anyways, Carter works to hook up the tape to the vocume and manages to get it to transmit. Unfortunately, already many have been killed, but enough are left to hear the news of Apophis’ death. Just as with Rogers, they too were swayed by this revelation, and they can all go home.

Final thoughts… Um, how are the kids going to get home? Is SGC going to help them out? Do they know how to use the Stargate? Hello, you guys, this is kind of important information to know! Nonetheless, I don’t see a conclusion to this episode in the future, so we’ll just have to suspend disbelief and pretend it all works out okay.

Very interesting little tidbit of an episode here. Another one that’s largely a standalone, yes, but it seems now that, for sure, all of Apophis’ loyal followers are gone. These seemed to be the last.

I say it’s particularly interesting because it reminds me a lot of how war used to be, especially during the second World War (and maybe WWI, too), with teenagers as young as fifteen and sixteen enlisting into the armed forces, eager only to serve their countries and defend their nations. Many would even fake their ages to get in. We’ve got a similar scenario here, and these kids believe what they’re doing is right and justified. Of course SG-1 tends to disagree, but who can say who’s really right here? Then again, you’ve got the whole enslavement and Apophis just generally being a scumbag thing, too, and yet in the SGC there are scumbags like Maybourne. Not that I’m saying Maybourne is as bad as Apophis.

…Or am I? (Hurr hurr.)

In short, this is what I’d like to say to everyone:

APOPHIS, quit exploiting the children! YOU’RE DEAD!!!

PEOPLE OF CHULAK, he’s dead! Give it up!

JACK O’NEILL, take a few linguistic courses! You’re an embarrassment!

CARTER, …thanks for saving everyone’s butts again with your wonderful mind. You’re good.

JACKSON, you weren’t very useful at all this time around. Go read a book or something.

TEAL’C, quite putting yourself in FREAKING DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. You might actually kick the bucket one of these days and that would make me SO SAD.

BRA’TAC, even though you weren’t here I just felt like typing your name because it makes me smile and giggle and gives me warm fuzzies because you’re just awesome like that so keep doin’ your thang and being bra’tac.

REFLECTION/PREDICTION THINGY

(The crew wonders what will happen next episode.)

O’Neill: I think we’ll climb through a forest. We do that a lot.

Carter: We’ll probably run into a Goa’uld or something similar.

Jackson: We’ll either look like idiots or get accused of being Goa’uld or demonic or just overly enlightened…

O’Neill: …and then put into a bad situation…

Teal’c: …and eventually emerge victorious, all the wiser.

Carter: You’re awfully optimistic.

Teal’c: Tell me, Major Carter, since when is optimism “awful”?

Jackson: Since it kept getting us nearly killed.